DETROIT/kimstory

The fight had gone on for hours. The naked dead lie everywhere, their backpacks half rummaged through, discarded rocks clutched by dead fingers. Both sides had suffered incredible losses, and pubbie vultures stealthily pilfered kevlar armor and carbines from the dead. As the fires raged inside pleb wooden huts and towers in the city, Pengy, bane from the western lands, looted shacks with his uber hatchet, destroying hours of carefully planned and built gooncraft.

Greedy slobber clung and ran down his jaw as he broke through wall after wall, his greed insatiable, as he gibbered and foamed at the mouth, his back hunched over and his body mutated. Pengy was once a noble soul, but had spent too much time in the wilderness with his ilk doing all sorts of foul homo-erotic acts that offended the pure and noble eye of the True Goon City and her Master Goon Race residents. But then, a noise from behind, and lo, the beast Pengy turned to face the source of the sound.

There before him, Uber Hatchet in hand, clad in the most holiest and noble of Kevlar, stood Kimsemus, fellow Server Administrator, whom had not yet yielded to craven desires for loot and power. Flanking the Defender of the City were the People's Champions -- noble Goons whom defended the rights of all Detroit citizens to play with their dicks hanging out and build the most absurd of constructions on Detroit's hallowed soil.

None of these Champions of men wore pants, for every Goon new that if the penis was exposed, you were among friends. Pengy recoiled in fear and shock, for the pitiful creature knew that judgment was upon him. As the light of the moon shone from the heavens, the Champions rendered their verdict and laid the creature low, smiting him outside the Ivory Tower. Their holy work done, the Champions turned to the wreckage of the city, determined to rebuild. Bald Eagles cried their mighty bellow overhead, and George Zimmerman descended on a white steed with much Low Quality Metal to aid in the effort of reconstruction.

Such is the story of Detroit, and I tell it to you now son, as my father told me, and his father told him.