The DILDOE Incident

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The DILDOE Incident
Part of Conquest of Rusty Bottoms

DILDOE launches its first deadly counter attack on the BMW Raid base
DateJune 28th, 2015
Result Massive loss of resources by both sides, Pyrrhic victory for DILDOE
Commanders and leaders
BMW Capitaler
BMW Taylor Swift
BMW Kimsemus
Cole C9 Butthole
Units involved
10~ Goons 2 SPEEDSTERs
Casualties and losses
2 Hours of BMWs time None A lot of resources

The DILDOE Incident was a battle between BMW and motley crue of defenders and counter-raiders in TFD, SPEED, and most notably, DILDOE. The raid was one of BMWs first great failures, but is largely forgotten in WIDEVERSE history with the SPEED Assault happening just a day later.

Lead Up

On the night of June 28th, 2015, Peaches and Taylor Swift were roaming the map scouting bases to raid. As more Bimmers logged on they began systematically raiding the bases and killing anyone in their way. However, a clan by the name of DILDOE heard the commotion and began battling BMW, trading blows as they continued to run back from their own base, eventually leading BMW there. The base was not particular looming or imposing, so the decision was made to stage a raid base and take it down.


Immediately upon constructing the raid base, DILDOE began counter-attacking the raiders in force, going toe to toe with some of the BMWs better shooters. They began initially barraging the raid base with their own rockets, taking out chunks of BMW forces at a time. This attack was short lived as they quickly ran out of rockets and realized they werent going to be able to to take down the raid base. They switched tactics to assaulting the Bimmers are the moved closer to attempt the actual raid. Both sides made little progress in either direction, until Kimsemus and Taylor pushed DILDOE all the way back to their front door. However, the raid also attracted the attention of SPEED, who attempted to counter-raid BMW unsuccessfully with incendiary rockets. Taylor flanked the two counter-raiders, but died in a suicide attack, halting BMWs advance towards DILDOEs base.

Compound Assault & The Long Stalemate

In time, however, as the other Bimmers held off counter-raiders and flank attacks, Capitaler whittled down the bases defenses and gave BMW an opportunity to breech the compound itself. The fighting became even more intense as DILDOE became entrenched and fighting a defensive battle. Breechers were met with a hail of gunfire upon entering the compound, rarely surviving. BMW communication and supply lines began to break down as they moved further into the base, owing both to the defenders resolve, the late hour of the raid, and the duration of which they had already been attacking. Server lag also became an issue, as was par for the course in Rust. As the Bimmers began securing a foothold in the base, it was revealed that [TFD] was now lending its aid to DILDOE as well, adding to the bases defenses.

With this new alliance, BMW found itself once again pushed back out of the base, slowly losing the foothold it had fought so hard to gain. The battle raged on as BMW began hitting the base with rocket artillery to try and clear a path for the raiders to move in. As the stalemate continued, DILDOE began resorting to lesser weapons to defend themselves, like Thompsons and Revolvers, but their defensive advantage still allowed them to hold off the Bimmers. Eventually however, the Bimmers regained the foothold, but at this point, resources were scarce and ability to quickly bring in new explosives to move further into the based was heavily hampered. Both sides had suffered tremendous casualties and lost significant resources, but neither was beginning to back down.

Almost 3 hours in, DILDOE had been pushe all the way back into their base, and was getting killed almost as soon as they opened the door to sortie, but with no rockets, BMW could do nothing other than wait for DILDOE to to attempt an attack. By this point, the side of the base was completely demolished, allowing DILDOE to begin attacking from a multitude of angles. This death by a thousand paper cuts attack began wearing on BMWs medical supplies as well, reducing them to using multitudes of bandages in lieu of medkits and syringes, keeping the soldiers at almost constantly low health. In addition, the bitter cold of the snow landscape kept their health from naturally regenerating. This dance continued for almost 30 minutes as explosives continued to not be brought in, even as DILDOE resorted to bows and arrows to try and ward off the attackers. Finally, the supply line of explosives was resumed and the attack began pushing further into the base. As the Bimmers began to push in, DILDOE used the oppurtunity to push another well geared assault, taking out a few of the raiders and once again slowing the raid. This once again slowed the flow of explosives, halting the raid for what seemed like the 100th time. Frustration among the commanders was high, but the demolitions continued slowly.

In the confusion, TFD brought in a group of reinforcements to try and flank from the raid base. Kimsemus briefly retreated to try and bring in BMWs own reinforcements from the raid based. Server lag began playing a major role in the raid at this point as entire clips being emptied into people went unregistered. DILDOE was entirely drained by this point, with nothing but cloth armor and bows and arrows to continue attacking. However, a lone TFD sniper returned taking out Capitaler, leaving Taylor and G-Mach alone in the compound to fend off numerous defenders, after Rejdukien crashed. A defender came out in BMWs uniform, taking Gmach by surprise, leaving Taylor briefly alone. However, BMW reinforcements arrived at that moment. Rejs death, thought, gave DILDOE a brief shot of new resources to attack BMW with, and they used it well, taking out a few raiders. THis was enough to prevent boosters from getting in to get help to Taylor, who was swarmed by a last gasp effort by DILDOE. This swing in momentum led to DILDOE wiping the few raiders left, giving them a massive influx of guns and armor, giving them the upper hand once again. A few firefights broke out in the courtyard, wiping the remaining raiders. At this point, DILDOE used the lull in the raid to regroup and rebuild their base, preventing the raid from continuing. A brief argument broke out between Capitaler and Kimsemus, but the battle was lost.